This Time

House: Hi.
Me: What's up?
House: You know, I'm kind of a mess.
Me: What's the matter? Girl problems?
House: Very funny. You know what I mean. I'm a mess.
Me: Well I don't think you're a mess. You look fine to me.
House: Really? Cause my toilets have teetee all over them and there are a couple of spiders in my corners. Can you do something about that?
Me: Listen man. It's summer. I've been busy. Can't you just get off my back and let me chill a little bit?
House: That's fine but you know that only means more teetee for you and I guess I won't mention the green bean casserole layer of dust on my furniture. You know that's just millions of itsy bitsy bugs just crawlin around, right?
Me: Oh, you just had to go there didn't you.
House: I'm sorry. It's just that I saw you outside yesterday and I don't understand why you would rather spend time with him than me. I'm so much cooler.
Me: By him, you mean the yard, right?
House: mmmhmmm
Me: Listen house, yard has been ignored most of the summer because he's so hot. I guess I haven't spent as much time on you as I should. It's just that no matter how much time I spend on you, you just can't keep yourself clean. And that... well that...just sucks. If you promise me that this time will be different I suppose I could spend a little time with you today.
House: Yes! I promise with all my windows. I'll do a better job this time. I'll keep myself clean.
Me: You better. And I'm serious this time.