I've been thinking alot lately about this birthday. As everyone knows, I love birthdays. I especially love my birthday. But this birthday has me feeling, well, a bit weak in the knees. 35 has been a number that has yelled at me ever since I reached that age when you quit wanting to be older and you start wanting to be younger. You know what I'm talking about. I think it's a different age for all of us but it happens to everyone.
I vividly remember my parents at 35. They had built their dream house and finished building our family. My dad was at the top of his game professionally and my mom finally discovered confidence in herself. They had it going on as they say. So 35 for me has always represented the age where one must get serious. It would be time for me to really hunker down and start checking some things off the old life list. I could get away with goofing off all the years before, but at 35 it would be time to get down to business and shake off the shananigans.
Well here it is. Blaring down on me like the hot summer sun. The question is... how do I feel? Do I feel like it's time to really grow up? The answer is... good and hell no. The problem is...should I? Should I stress about my age? Should I change my focus? Here's what I've decided...
I'm proud of several things I've accomplished:
- My degree. My Bachelor of Arts.
- My marriage. 12 years and counting. It has been a great swim that closely resembles a journey across the Atlantic with great sweeping waves and then limitless calming seas. There is no land in sight and it makes me glad to know that we're still swimming.
- My children. 7 and 4. Whoever thought me and your Daddy would make something as cool as you? Not this guy. That's for sure.
- My friendships. I have grown deep, solid, lasting friendships with people who do not need very much watering and yet our relationships flourish and I have a bountiful garden that I'm very proud of.
- The bond with my brother, sister, Mom and Dad. Our family is ridiculous. We are ridiculous. The love we have for eachother, you get it, ridiculous.
Are there still things yet to do? Goals left unreached? Will my life be entirely different in 5 years? Yes. Yes and Yes. But as I approach this year and take a good hard look in the mirror, I'm happy with what I've done and where I am. Sure thinking about it makes my face grimmace a little like the first sip of whiskey but it warms my heart to know that I've done better than I thought I would have. I've reached that big giant adult step and I'm ready to take it.