Wednesday, March 30, 2016

See What I Mean?

What a whirlwind since I last wrote. So much has happened. Nettie had her back surgeries (all 3 of them) back in the fall. Daddy had to take over for a while so that I could be with her and Papa. She's been through so much. But she showed us how much one can take and keep on swinging.

I've just spent some time looking at all these blogs I follow and I'm finding some comfort in seeing that other people have slacked off on their blogs too. It's gotten ridiculously hard to keep up with this thing but I'm already so thankful for the posts I wrote when you were little. And even though the posts I write now are so far and few in between, I know I'll be thankful for these too.

I'm also finding comfort in seeing that other people's kids are growing up. Because I am hit in the face daily with the fact that you are. I grab onto any chance I can get lately to actually do "mom" things for you because you do so much on your own. You take care of yourselves for the most part and I'm so proud that you do but man I miss the days when you couldn't from time to time. The days you ran out of school to me or the times you came in crying because you fell outside. You stay home alone and if you're hungry, you make yourself something. If you want lemonade, you make that too.

I barely even help with homework anymore. Lil' still needs me for that but Big sure doesn't. He has taken ownership of his grades and Daddy and I have somewhat released those reigns. He's grabbing onto his future and I'm so proud that he seems to know how important his education is already. And he's killing it! His grades are unbelievable especially considering everything else he has going on. Basketball is life and he works almost every single day improving his game. Weird stuff is happening to him physically but he's handling all of it beautifully and it amazes me every day that he is already 12 and has one foot out of door most all of the time. I feel myself clinging to him and trying to keep him close but it's like trying to put a bird in a cage. It's hard to do and you feel guilty for trying.

Lil' is growing too. The games she plays are changing. It's not so much dolls for her anymore but more about real life: living in an apartment, playing school, etc. She did ask me for a doll recently and I jumped at the chance to buy it for her because I know those times are coming to an end. You're still riding horses and doing gymnastics. I swear watching Lil' on a horse is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in life. That smile when you canter... it stops my heart. You are the nicest person I know and you keep our family glued. You are the light. You just went on your first overnight field trip and I counted the hours until you got home. The moment I found out you were a girl I had no idea what I was going to do with you. Now, I have no idea what to do without you.

See what I mean?


See what I mean?

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